Create a self-promotion ad. Make it clever. Hire a famous photographer. The one that does all of Nike’s stuff. See if they’d do it for free. No? Shoot it yourself. Make it this generation’s Think Different, with ad people instead of cultural icons. Or the next Fearless Girl, minus the statue and placement. Tie it to a social issue people can get behind, like the thumb fatigue epidemic in our youth. Or the pressure on creative people to wear interesting hats. Make sure it’s not too wordy, because people hate to read. Or too visual, because people will think you have nothing to say. Post it on Ads of the World, so a commenter named Kleenex can validate it or crush your ego by typing the word *yawn*. Enter it into award shows so a handful of people whose opinions you respect (or not) can decide if its worthy of a trinket you can’t keep at your house. Then win. Clutch the trophy and beam like you just won the World Cup. Take a picture. Thank a bunch of people who were loosely involved, so it doesn’t sound too self-serving. Share it on LinkedIn. Hit refresh. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Until someone likes it. Repeat 137 times. Ask yourself what the point of all of this was. Or, save yourself the trouble, tell Tom Hanks you no longer need him to gently caress that liger in your self-promotion ad. And spend 10 minutes writing meta copy that ends with two simple words: We’re hiring.