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A.G. Pennypacker's picture

For me, unfortunately none of these headlines are there yet. It's obvious you know how to structure a line, but still -- not quite there yet. As for the tag, having just seen the one for Taco Bell two ads ago (Think outside the bun), which is a great tag by the way, I'm not exactly in love with this one. This is a cool client that won't be in every book in the world (like Viagra and condoms), so maybe with some really strong, really well written headlines, a tag won't even be needed.

A.G. Pennypacker
Activity Score 601
I'm a full-time somebody at a world-wide agency and a wealthy American industrialist looking to open a silver mine in the mountains of Peru.
cperry's picture

I agree. The lines arent there. And the art direction is typical student over art directed meaning to many fonts and hard to read. It also took a bit to get that the lines formed the hands of a clock. Not sure how that is working. I do like how the tag is treated and the background textures are nice. A few tweaks guys. Clean it up and you'll go from good to great.

cperry
Activity Score 274
vidya.shankaran's picture

True, font is a little hard to read but overall execution is good...

vidya.shankaran
Activity Score 722
vurtomatic's picture

Interesting and different way of talking to the user, but I'm not sure if it's apt. I doubt if comfort is on the bereaved's mind. Would I really care about comfort if the ad is talking to me as a buyer for my own coffin??

Is there a need for 'think INside the box" to have uppercase "IN?" It looks like what tweens would type on MSN.

vurtomatic
Activity Score 364
sonucoues2002's picture

why he use blur clock image on bg i mean the text placeing is already giving the felling of clock
i dont know y he use so many fonts

RATE MY WORK
http://adsoftheworld.com/forum/dungeon/dhl_santa

sonucoues2002
Activity Score 804
visualizer
teenie's picture

I think it's over-thought. It's trying to be clever when it should be communicating something. Comfortable? You'll be dead--you won't care. Maybe "As comfortable as...." or something. And teenie tiny font? I assume your target audience is over 65. They already need glasses--help them out a little!

teenie
Activity Score 1886
Copywriter
chino65's picture

I hope these are students' work - FIRST year students, I hope.

EDIT: Oh, I just checked, these ARE students. Well, try harder, not even a passing grade these ads.

Art direction is amateurish to the extreme. Does not evoke vintage, prestige, funereal, death etc etc.

Copywriting is in an inappropriate tone. First of all, if you want to make this tongue in cheek, you should adopt a mock seriousness in tone of voice. What you say can be lighthearted or even with a touch of humour. But NOT in the way you say it. Using the word "bloody" does not impress anyone here and make the humour cheap and childish.

chino65
Activity Score 324
Guest's picture

OH just f Off, you guys really don't have a sense of humour, why dont you get one!

Guest
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