Dear Mrs. Krakowski, I would like to point out that in the past five years your house only caught fire this one time.
Granted there were a few times it almost happened. Like last September when I tried to bake my own bread while watching Snowden (which didn't live up to the hype at all). Or that one time I fell asleep with the cigarette I totes wasn’t smoking indoors. And also, who hasn't left the iron turned on and bolted out the door to brunch?
So one teensy weensy fire in five years is a stellar track record, if you ask me. I mean, All State agreed. They thought it was so great that my agent filed the claim immediately, even though he was probably in his pajamas too. Wrapping up the claim was easier than sleeping through the sparking wire that burnt your house down (he he, oops). And getting the fat check attached to this note was even easier than THAT. No blame games, no hidden costs, no problems -- aside from the whole burnt down house thing...
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