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Davosk's picture

I lost interest after the first para and turned the page.

Davosk
Activity Score 4811
Art Director
JAGGY's picture

There's someone who reached 4th paragraph. He found a typo too!

JAGGY
Activity Score 1382
Copywriter at TBWA, Mumbai |

Jaggy, MICA Ahmedabad

groovyspoon's picture

Same here... have no interest in reading this.
There was a time and a place for long copy... the 50's... Ogilvy.

groovyspoon
Activity Score 57
Graphic Designer
second_creator's picture

jaggy are you in mumbai???

copywriter

Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell and advertise

second_creator
Activity Score 754
Copywriter |

copywriter

Ankit Jain's picture

Left column, 4th paragraph, third line, last third word: 'tying'
Should Be TRYING.
SPELLING MISTAKE

Ankit Jain
Activity Score 5
Advertising Student
Rachel.Mann's picture

Technically it's a typing mistake. :P

Rachel.Mann
Activity Score 450
Other at University of Houston, Bauer College of Business/KBR |

--------------------------------------
"I am one who believes that one of the greatest dangers of advertising is not that of misleading people, but that of boring them to death."
- Leo Burnett

Rachel.Mann's picture

While we're at it, though, "towards" in the 9th paragraph (1st paragraph in the second column) should be "toward" as "towards" does not exist in the English language.
Also, "house-flies" in the 10th paragraph (2nd paragraph in the second column) is inconsistent with the spelling of the word in title, and is incorrect anyway.
Lastly, there are WAY too many unnecessary commas used in the copy, making the writer sound like a total dingbat.

Rachel.Mann
Activity Score 450
Other at University of Houston, Bauer College of Business/KBR |

--------------------------------------
"I am one who believes that one of the greatest dangers of advertising is not that of misleading people, but that of boring them to death."
- Leo Burnett

Guest's picture

ur cute rachel

Guest
Guest's picture

Yes Rachel. Would you like to be my fraand?

Guest
amsterdam73's picture

mwhoahaha, LOL

amsterdam73
Activity Score 374
Copywriter
phoamcor's picture

It's like Neil French's gardener believed in the power of osmosis, wrote an ad on his break and said hey Neil what do you think of this?

A mumble jumble of disjointed thoughts and an inexcusable typo.

phoamcor
Activity Score 1284
JAGGY's picture

Did it really made you think about Neil French, and for that matter anything remotely disjointly associated with him. Even his gardener, or his gardener's chauffeur? Well, regarding all that, your's was a compliment, rather than a comment.

JAGGY
Activity Score 1382
Copywriter at TBWA, Mumbai |

Jaggy, MICA Ahmedabad

Fabian Kirner's picture

Very well written!
Nice.

Fabian Kirner
Activity Score 270
Creative Director
NatalieM's picture

It's sad that everyone now has ADD and any copy over a paragraph may be lost.

NatalieM
Activity Score 1685
Topolewski |

-Natalie
http://www.nataliemarion.com

Calibarak's picture

Regardless of the typo, I still like it.

Calibarak
Activity Score 302
R. Rinaldi's picture

Poor TBWA. Butchered by horrid, scrotum-looking vultures on this thread, including the fly below.

R. Rinaldi
Activity Score 686
Singapore
Funk49's picture

Awkwardly worded. Was it translated?

Funk49
Activity Score 44
Miami Ad School
gromain's picture

I really like this old shool type of ad - eventhough i wonder who reads it :/
reminds me the old ddb copies by ddb :D

gromain
Activity Score 13
Lowe strateus |

toyoutoto, too, toyoutoutou.

monicamexico's picture

Body copy: horrible, awkward, not gonna read it

monicamexico
Activity Score 830
Shock's picture

tooo wordy... too long...

but GOOOD thought..

however.. u should have been more descriptive..
make me feeeell i might die while typing this..
that thrill factor wasnt there...

however..tweak it a little bit... ull get there

ps. is till laughed.. esp d cell phone thing and almost googled dongivitis..:)

good going Jaggy!

Shock
Activity Score 14
Copywriter at Copywriter/ MICA
krautland's picture

look ma, I made a neil french!

meh.

krautland
Activity Score 3214
Art Director at erm... no calls please.
StuartLittle's picture

Someone who recently learned how to type with mistakes.

StuartLittle
Activity Score 466
Other
alvinpck's picture

I kinda like it. But it seems a little forced towards the end; the third last paragraph.

I'm not really a copy guy, but I would have write a disclamer beside the logo about the "55655" and what "Bajaj Allianz-can-do".

...
http://alvinpck.deviantart.com/gallery/

alvinpck
Activity Score 1463
Art Director
Guest's picture

abrupt

Guest
Guest's picture

too lengthy...

Guest
bhavdeep's picture

I love copy ads (sometimes)!

bhavdeep
Activity Score 284
Photographer at student
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