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Comments (26)

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Davosk's picture
Davosk
Activity Score 4815

I lost interest after the first para and turned the page.

JAGGY's picture
JAGGY
Activity Score 1382

There's someone who reached 4th paragraph. He found a typo too!

Jaggy, MICA Ahmedabad

groovyspoon's picture
groovyspoon
Activity Score 57

Same here... have no interest in reading this.
There was a time and a place for long copy... the 50's... Ogilvy.

second_creator's picture
second_creator
Activity Score 754

jaggy are you in mumbai???

copywriter

Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell and advertise

copywriter

Ankit Jain's picture
Ankit Jain
Activity Score 5

Left column, 4th paragraph, third line, last third word: 'tying'
Should Be TRYING.
SPELLING MISTAKE

Rachel.Mann's picture
Rachel.Mann
Activity Score 450

Technically it's a typing mistake. :P

Rachel.Mann's picture
Rachel.Mann
Activity Score 450

While we're at it, though, "towards" in the 9th paragraph (1st paragraph in the second column) should be "toward" as "towards" does not exist in the English language.
Also, "house-flies" in the 10th paragraph (2nd paragraph in the second column) is inconsistent with the spelling of the word in title, and is incorrect anyway.
Lastly, there are WAY too many unnecessary commas used in the copy, making the writer sound like a total dingbat.

Guest's picture
Guest

ur cute rachel

Guest's picture
Guest

Yes Rachel. Would you like to be my fraand?

amsterdam73's picture
amsterdam73
Activity Score 374

mwhoahaha, LOL

phoamcor's picture
phoamcor
Activity Score 1284

It's like Neil French's gardener believed in the power of osmosis, wrote an ad on his break and said hey Neil what do you think of this?

A mumble jumble of disjointed thoughts and an inexcusable typo.

JAGGY's picture
JAGGY
Activity Score 1382

Did it really made you think about Neil French, and for that matter anything remotely disjointly associated with him. Even his gardener, or his gardener's chauffeur? Well, regarding all that, your's was a compliment, rather than a comment.

Jaggy, MICA Ahmedabad

Fabian Kirner's picture
Fabian Kirner
Activity Score 270

Very well written!
Nice.

NatalieM's picture
NatalieM
Activity Score 1685

It's sad that everyone now has ADD and any copy over a paragraph may be lost.

Calibarak's picture
Calibarak
Activity Score 302

Regardless of the typo, I still like it.

R. Rinaldi's picture
R. Rinaldi
Activity Score 686

Poor TBWA. Butchered by horrid, scrotum-looking vultures on this thread, including the fly below.

Funk49's picture
Funk49
Activity Score 44

Awkwardly worded. Was it translated?

gromain's picture
gromain
Activity Score 13

I really like this old shool type of ad - eventhough i wonder who reads it :/
reminds me the old ddb copies by ddb :D

toyoutoto, too, toyoutoutou.

monicamexico's picture
monicamexico
Activity Score 830

Body copy: horrible, awkward, not gonna read it

Shock's picture
Shock
Activity Score 14

tooo wordy... too long...

but GOOOD thought..

however.. u should have been more descriptive..
make me feeeell i might die while typing this..
that thrill factor wasnt there...

however..tweak it a little bit... ull get there

ps. is till laughed.. esp d cell phone thing and almost googled dongivitis..:)

good going Jaggy!

krautland's picture
krautland
Activity Score 3216

look ma, I made a neil french!

meh.

StuartLittle's picture
StuartLittle
Activity Score 466

Someone who recently learned how to type with mistakes.

alvinpck's picture
alvinpck
Activity Score 1467

I kinda like it. But it seems a little forced towards the end; the third last paragraph.

I'm not really a copy guy, but I would have write a disclamer beside the logo about the "55655" and what "Bajaj Allianz-can-do".

...
http://alvinpck.deviantart.com/gallery/

Guest's picture
Guest

abrupt

Guest's picture
Guest

too lengthy...

bhavdeep's picture
bhavdeep
Activity Score 284

I love copy ads (sometimes)!

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